I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize