I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
