This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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