Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
