those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize