I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I want to fling myself into the sun
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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