Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Randomize
