apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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