her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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