your thong is hanging out like whoa
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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