I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
