i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
