Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
