and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
