My first STD was from a foam party
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
