i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
