I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
