Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
