Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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