So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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