Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
