It's like God shit irony all over that family
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
