I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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