It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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