i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
