its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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