So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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