he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
