so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize