my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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