There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize