This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
