I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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