I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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