There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
