Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
