Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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