I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
