Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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