He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
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