He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
