I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Randomize
