i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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