I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
