He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I touched a dick in church today
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
