apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
