i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
