It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
