Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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