I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
