It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
