you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
