these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
