help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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