Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
