I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize