Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
