he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
