you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
