I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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