Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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