whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
