this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
