another moral hangover. fuck.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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