1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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