I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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